October 25, 2005

• This past Sunday, while listening to Liz talk to me about wanting to perhaps find a place of her own to get away from her lifelong family home, I was only a bit surprised. We both have talked about getting out of our present situations. Mine with my alcoholic roommate, and she with her demanding mother. I am dreaming of a place for us together, and we talked about “our house” when touring the prefabricated “home” which is pictured on the blog header to this site. I was hoping that we could perhaps become not only lovers but roommates at some future time. However, I have lots of money problems right now, and Liz wants to find a place of her own in the meantime because of family problems. I cannot see myself moving out of my situation for a little while longer, partly because my roommate and I will have to split up, and neither one of us would just “leave” the other holding the rent bag, as it were. I’ve spent two days thinking about what this would mean for Liz and my relationship. An “interim” living arrangement might be a good thing for Liz. I hope that she is also thinking about someday living with me, as I think of living with her all the time. I wrote the following poem this morning.

  
  

   

  
  

  “Lodgings”
  Poetry by Michael F. Nyiri
  10/25/057:03 a.m.

  
  

  I’ve been living in limbo, near a decade or more,
  Moving into this limbo I knew not what was in store
  For me, only that I escaped the relationship from hell
  And in time, accepting of this hellish place as well.
  Moving many myriad times throughout the
  course of my life
  Escaping one dungeon for another one’s strife
  Trying to maintain happiness with screaming neighbors
  Day after day it’s the same ridiculous labors.
  My roommates are legend, and I can’t stand them at all
  But they remain friends, my critiques have to stall
  I have changed, perhaps not for better
  And I don’t like my attitude
  I would love to just leave
  For another long or short latitude.
  Right now, I feel skittish, and hopeless, and irritable
  Who knows what life brings to the plate at the table?

  
  

  Now that I’ve met you, I hope maybe we’ll couple
  And find a home for ourselves before my situation buckles
  The cat hair and beer cans will all disappear
  And then I would always have you standing near
  It’s only been minutes in the tight scheme of time
  The lines of our lives haven’t had time to rhyme
  We’re still feeling our way along early love’s path
  But our home situation is causing us wrath

  
  

  Now you too want out of your place and your home
  Bubbling animosities, irrationalities breathing foam
  I listen to you imply that your situation is untenable
  And I want to caution you not to stay unbendable
  Little thoughts of unrest will fester and boil
  Causing your wanting to flee home, hearth, and soil.

  
  

  Give me a chance to build a life with your dear
  Don’t play with fire out of searing cold fear
  There’s lots of trauma involved in moving I know
  I have moved so many times and have nothing to show

  
  

  I wish I could build you a dream house right now
  And present you a gift far from your familial strife
  I look in my crystal ball but presently just don’t see how
  So wherever you land, I hope you’re still in my life.

  
  

  Living in Limbo is not the best occurance
  Living in perfection is of course the best deterrance
  Someday I hope to live in your perfection
  But know I will support your life wherever it’s direction

  • 10:45 am
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