Elizabeth,
We will create our own traditions.
We will establish our own itinerary.
We will become our own history.
And we will always understand.
Together.
Month: September 2005
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SHE SAYS:
I have to say that when Mike brought up a three weekiversary gift idea I was shocked, mostly because I hadn't heard of such a thing. But also the fact that I am VERY bad with dates (except for birthdays). I can never keep track of certain things, and was surprised it had been 3 weeks since we had started becoming more serious.
Mike's attention to detail never ceases to amaze me though, and I just wanted to share the little details of this particular blog. You would be surprised at how much everything on here has a certain significance.
First of all you have the header he designed at the top. And, I'm certain you have all noticed the jarring green color all over this site - mostly because my favorite color is chartreuse (and Mike even played a song by the name of Chartreuse on his WhenWordsCollide blog a few weeks ago too). There are also all the other elements in the banner as well.
The "house" was put together after I had commented on Mike's blog on the LA County Fair about "where is the picture of our house?". We saw this wonderful pre-manufactured home set up at the fair and just loved it. Behind the house is the Casino that is on Catalina Island, which is another excursion that Mike and I took a few months ago.
Barely noticeable around the Casino are jellyfish from our trip to the Long Beach Aquarium (we get around ... don't we!). I loved that aquarium, and even commented to Mike that I would much rather have a huge aquarium in my living room then a TV.
Towards the right hand side of the banner you'll notice the monkeys, and one of them is colored ... of course ... chartreuse. I love monkeys to a disgusting degree let me tell you. I have monkeys wherever I can fit them, and then some.
Overall I thought the whole design and imagery of this blog was so wonderful. All the little details, and the time and attention he took to put this all together leaves me in awe. And then he told me about the background to this blog.
He took a photograph of the sky the day this blog created, tweaked it a little with a nice watery ripple effect and emphasized the color. I told Mike a while ago that every time I look at the skies I think of him because of his many pictures of fluffy clouds and sunsets. I even wrote a poem for him about how he had given me the skies.
AZURE EYES
One does not find heaven
With head bowed down
And it wasn't until I met you
That I raised my eyes upward
So was my heart lifted
As I beheld the skies that had
Covered me always
To think that I was never alone
That you were always around me
You bathed me and warmed me
Cooled my fevered head as well
You have given me
Fiery golden sunrises
Glinting through my hair
Jewel toned sunsets
with diamond filled evenings
Put on a show for me
That never grows tiring
As I sit here writing with
The stars in my eyes
The sun in my heart
The moon as my crown
I feel you over every inch
Of my being as I look out the window
For every time my eyes gaze upward
I see your face interposed between earth and sky
That through this length of life that
The Fates measured out for me
You have always been invisibly woven
That I now occupy a sacred chapter of your life
To have a place of my own between
The gilded ivory pages that contain your story
It is an honor indeed
For you have given me the skies
I feel very lucky to have come upon Mike at this moment in time. Everything seems so very perfect it is almost unbelievable.
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HE SAYS:
Liz recently wrote me about her relationships. She showed me her two previous boyfriends and gave a bried description of their time together. Her last "relationship" was shown with me. I put up an "announcement" in my weekly "News and Notes" column last night on WhenWordsCollide "announcing" this blogsite and our new found love for each other. We planned to announce in tandem, and the creation of this blog was my gift to her, in honor of our three weekiversary, which is Tomorrow. We will have been "a couple" instead of "just friends" (best friends, in fact) for three weeks now, and let me tell you, it is far easier to forge a romantic relationship with someone who you already know and admire. I didn't go into my relationship with Liz "specifically" for romance, but I think I was hooked when I met her, but didn't want to rush things because she was already talking about Roberto and there was the fact that we have quite an age disparity between us. Here is my "answer post" to Liz's post on Queen of Swords. Some of this will be familiar to readers of "My Sexual History" MFN 9/23
My Ex-Girlfriends
A "timeline-essay" by Michael F. Nyiri
1963 Susan: We never kissed. We were just little kids. Our "date" playing tetherball when we were supposed to be watching a movie in the "cafetorium" got me my first and only trip to the Principal's office. "I'm disappointed in you," he said, shaking his head. She was a skinny blonde, and lived on the "wrong side of the tracks". Duration of Relationship: 3 months, until term ended.
1967: Criss: My first kiss. Part of my "circle of friends" at the time, I proposed we "go steady" at a school dance, awarding her a borrowed St. Christopher medallion. Duration of Relationship: 6 months, until term ended.
1973: Emma: Passion pit babysitter, my sister's best friend. We would hook up to make out at whatever house on her cul de sac in which she was babysitting. My sister and her boyfriend sometimes came over too. We exchanged lots of letters, which I still have. Her signature sign off was "bye for now." We double dated with my sister and her boyfriend, and also with her sister and her boyfriend. Duration of Relationship: 8 months, until her graduation from high school.
1974: Ruth: I would say this was my first real "relationship" and it didn't really include love. I was always falling in love with unattainable girls, and I frequently acted like I didn't get the signals from the girls who were honestly in love with me. I was a bit of an a**hole, when you come to think about it, but I was smitten with both Ruth's utter honesty and exhuberant sexual appetite. She first saw a photo of me at a party dancing with another girl, and she read my poetry. We had lots of fun, and I eventually left her for another girl, who turned out to be frigid, and this turn of events taught me a great lesson, but didn't get me Ruth back. Duration of Relationship:a little over a year.
1980: Diane: She was my next door neighbor, and came over to my apartment one evening when I was flying higher than the Mad dirigible on acid to tell me she liked the music I was playing on my stereo. (rather loudly) Since I was tripping, I regaled her with all sorts of contemplative philosophy and gobbledygook. At one point in the conversation, she said to me, "Is this the part where we have sex?" I was glad to oblige her. She was eight years my senior. Over the course of a year, we wolud get together every weekend after her date would kiss her goodnight at her door. At one point she made a comment that we really never seemed to do anything but have sex. Duration of Relationship: a little over a year.
Also 1980: (Hey, the sexual revolution wasn't over yet.) Karen: I waited till she was 18 years old, about 8 years my junior, when I finally coupled with her. I was in love with Cathy, but I went out with Karen. She was my "Jersey Girl". I think I fell in love with her vocal inflection first. She was going out with three guys at the time (18, and I'm older). She picked another older guy, who was "sober". I was still drinking fairly heavily at the time. And I still had Diane. Duration of Relationship: 8 months.
1980-81: Melanie: She lived in the same apartment building as did Diane and I. She was down the hall to my left. I met her at a party Kevin threw. He lived in the corner apartment, and I was scamming for a gal who was at the party, who was staying with Melanie. Melanie waited till the other girl shunned me, and then moved in to snag me for the evening. We spent the night in her apartment. We both loved country bars and she tried to get me to paticipate in an est seminar, a "me decade" self help "training" of which she was a graduate. Duration of Relationship: 11 months.
1983: Leslie: We "met cute". She was a hostess at Dinah's my "breakfast restaurant" where I went every morning after work (on the overnight shift) at the Gemco store in Culver City. She would always seat me with a little more than a smile, and we flirted shamelessly. She and I spent time with each other about six or eight times at either my apartment or hers. She "got pregnant" by another guy before I started to see her, and this was simply because she just wanted to have a child. She was pregnant while I was seeing her, but I didn't attempt to have sex with her until after she had the baby. (I was sure tempted though, and thought about it.) Duration of Relationship: 11 months.
1990: Alyssa: I "met" her on the phone, and we had as close to "phone sex" as we could on a company line. She worked for a wire and cable company in Las Vegas, and was my "salesman" at that company. After about 6 months, we arranged to meet, and I would stay with her in Vegas for a weekend. I had a good time, but never saw her again. She took downers. Duration of Relationship: 1 weekend.
1992-95: Pat: My misfortunate foolish Pat. I will never stop loving her, but I will never let her back in my life either. I think this bothers her now, nearly 15 years after she cheated on me and pulled the plug forever. We had a stormy relationship that lasted almost four years. This was my first "live in lover" and the "love" stopped as soon as I became "live in". I ended up renting three different houses in as many years, as she was always "fleeing the gangs" that she thought her son Charlie would get involved in. We both drank liquor pretty heavily at the time, and this caused many yelling matches between us. I could never understand her, and think that perhaps she is crazy. I'm real glad the relationship ended. Duration of Relationship: Almost 4 years.
1999: Maria: The recipient of my first "Internet Lovesearch" I visited her for two weeks on the island of Nantucket, where she lived, after corresponding to her and talking on the phone for over six months. She was still living with her husband, who didn't like the idea of her "internet dating" schemes. I was troubled by this, as she told me she was separated. She also didnt tell me she was as big as the whales which used to be the main trade on Nantucket . Duration of Relationship: 8 months
2000: Regina: Another "internet romance" hot on the heels of Maria. I didnt' move in with Regina, but I "moved her" to California. She lived in a 30 foot travel trailer, and we took it from Albequerque to Long Beach. She couldn't find a job and neglected to tell me she hadn't paid taxes for a few years when she got a windfall and the feds were after her. She got claustrophobic in "the city" and left for home after 3 months after borrowing over 5 grand from me, which she promised to pay back. I told her she needn't worry. She still hasn't paid me back a penny. Duration of Relationship: 10 months.
Those were my ex girlfriends. My present girlfriend is the one I was waiting for while experiencing the 12 before her, in their fabulously disparate and unloving ways. They taught me what was "wrong" in relationships, setting the stage for the "right one to come along". Now I will finally be able to close the Duration of Relationship equation.
2005-infinity: Liz. The answer to my question. The period to my sentence. The reason for my existence. The receptacle for my passion. My one and only. My best friend. My more than best friend. My life from now on. My future memories are made of this. Duration of Relationship: From the dawn of life to Eternity and beyond.
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SHE SAYS ...
I have to admit that when I read what you have put here, and look at our lives now - and what they might be ... I am in awe. To think of the thousands of circumstances and chances that would cross my life they all lead me to here. To this point in time. It is enough to make me feel blessed, and affirm my belief that indeed there really aren't bad things in this universe ... just many obstacles to overcome.
You talk about feeling that I complete sentences, and in turn you do the same. That is when I know that your longing to be read is not what you want, but someone to write along with you a new and wonderful story. You don't have to cling to that last rung of your ladder while clutching your story, for in some strange way we have lived in tandem ... interwoven through time. And, as I looked through your last love songs ... that were put together early January 1974 ... it gives me pause. I stop to wonder at that and want to believe that in some way you had felt my prescence enter the world ... that I was alive and on my way, but that it would take some time. Now here we are, molded by time and experience ... and it is perfect. The wear and tear of circumstance has formed grooves in our souls that interlock with microscopic precision.
As I have written on my other blog ... you are like a reservoir of all the hopes, dreams, wishes and desires I thought had gone unanswered. And with each day that passes they are all coming true through you. Let me also add my reasons why this blog is particularly shocking ... because it is a secret that I had been holding within myself for a few weeks now ... cooking it up in my head.
The other evening as I gave you ideas about places I wanted to do for the next weekend, the one thing I left out was a gift I wanted to give to you. But, I guess I can reveal it now ... because the irony is sweet. I am, at the moment, writing a poem (of sorts) for you ... which will be written and decorated in a journal I had purchased. Seeing that you are reviving your love of drawing ... I thought it would be perfect to have a book where we write poems and such to each other. Pass it one to the other as it is completed ... with words ... embellishments ... drawings ... photographs, and whatever else comes to mind. You beat me to the punch with this my dear, but then ... I don't think that comes as a surprise to either of us.
I love the love you give to me, and hope that you feel the same.
Love,
Elizabeth -
This is a repost from WhenWordsCollide from Sept. 10th, and includes the first poetry I have written for Elizabeth.
BEHIND THE POETRY: These are brand new poems which describe a new turn my life has taken recently. These pieces are dedicated to a VERY SPECIAL person, who I want to thank for her kindness, love, and ebullient friendship. I have recently been touched by the Muse of Compassion in a way I have never been touched before, and I am wholly gracious for this new "page" in my "book of life". MFN 9/10/05
'More Than Friends"
Poetry by Michael F. Nyiri
© Friday, September 9th, 2005 9:17 a.m. pdt
For You, with total love and graciousness
Many times in life and memory I have fallen deep in love
Many times have I wasted energy screaming with delight
at rusted roses showing only thorns instead of blooms
Many times have I cried, open mouthed, dysphonic,
as I aim for a larger understanding of my inconsequence
Many times I have loved, and lost
Tears well up and overflow, raining depression
o'er my sorry soul,
solidifying sullen subterfuge with seeming complacency
even as I die inside nightly and cry myself to sleep
Many times have I felt
to have gained wisdom and understanding
but I was "wrong as usual" and
had to carry on unawares
Many times I bought fulfillment
with confederate notes
of nonsense,
nullifying existence with my pleas for love
And many times I failed to receive sustenance
When I met you, charmed by your smiling eyes
and your throaty laugh,
your profound thoughts,
and your dreams and visions of perfection
I would read your words, and wonder 'bout your love
your devotion, and your abiding needs and wants,
and as time crept along unawares
my love grew stronger
even as my friendship
for you flowered in fulsome bloom
Months passed, and we conversed
as if we had known each other in
some past life, and our
conversations were only now
finishing from beginnings created millennia ago
You listen with ears bent to heaven
You speak in a voice deep and sweet with
the blessings of the gods
I never felt privileged to travel the hills and valleys
of your perfection although the
love in me grew stronger and more willing
I never felt blessed enough to taste your nectar
or to satisty my longing for your graciousness
I never thought I would
ever have a chance to envelop you
with my being
as I had always hoped, while filled with love
in long lost times, to feel
reciprocal care and hope abounding
And so I deemed to feel enraptured by
your pure and fellow friendship
and while away my days wondering
if we would e'er be more than friends
Now, as I sit with keyboard at hand
relishing the memoried thoughts of your
womanhood, the smooth folds of your flesh
and the tender but robust kiss of circumstance
I am happiest to know
that we are more than friends at last
and know the future beams bright with promise.
As I sigh with relish and with purpose
unknown for periods long and lackluster
but now filled to bursting with your countenance,
I am satisfied at last
And love has come to nest in my bower of beauty
I am happiest to know, with fusion fast,
that we are more than friends at last
"Cloud Ten"
Poetry by Michael F. Nyiri
© Saturday, September 10, 2005 6:25 a.m. pdt
Cloud One took a long time to arrive
Gleaned from gladdened good times to derive
A set of degrees from which happiness spouts
And humor with love should blight lonely time routs
Cloud two, yes the next step through the sky
Fluffy, fulfilling, don't ever ask why
As greatness and times ne'er will happen again
Bouncing, no burdens through pleasure and pain
Cloud Three and Four, seemed attainable yes
And throughout the years, each one had to bless
The times with the fiery blazed passion of love
While gazing at blue skies with clouds up above
Cloud Five and Six, Seven, sweet, soft stepping stones
As if in a dream, soothing sorry old bones
The steps to fulfillment, then falling through air
But the end result of experience always lived there
Cloud Eight never really showed up in focus
Learning to live without love's hocus pocus
And settling for friends, conversations, and lust
Just hoping and praying with passion and trust
Cloud Nine was among the ecstatic places
Filled not just with kind and adoring faces
But with encompassing love in the final degree
Embracing sweet passion just overwhelms me
A skip through the universe, fleeting subllime
And a better dream coming this time.
And now without warning I'm right on Cloud Ten
And sweet love surrounds me I don't know from when
This latest exhuberance shatters bad dreams
And Cloud Ten is just where I belong now it seems
A skip through the universe, fleeting sublime
And the better dream came true this time.
"A Right Turn At Romance"
Poetry by Michael F. Nyiri
© Saturday, September 10th, 2005 7:03 a.m. pdt
My roadmap has always had torn pages
and great chunks of areas
pulled away from the seams
I have always memorized the rough ridges
and stony mud lined trenches of desire
I have lived in these memories while the sun appears
Laughing at nonsensical musings
like so much red clay kicked by folly
into the gutters of oblivion.
I have driven blindly through pure despair
flicking the lever controlling
my windshield wipers of wistfulness
as the rains of ruin wash over my totality
Rushing headlong into the
rancid rivers of regret
screeching my tires
but hearing no blowout just yet
A long triptich of terrain hardly maneuvered
while looking steadfast into the
rear view mirror of life
wanting those wants
and hoping those hopes
as the landscape becomes more
familiar and yet more strange and foreign
in front of me
Malice and pain notwithstanding
the trip has been one long and strange
for sure
Headlights burn out when
blazing into sunlight
Batteries die when
the spark of love disappears
Salient celibacy celebrates significance
as the road washes out up ahead
and the road signs fall over
and the pages of the map mildew with age
and disappear along with my tears
And then, right when the road seems less travelled
by purity and wisdom, with potholes and pitfalls
occuring with increased regularity,
I suddenly find a right turn at Romance,
and finally home seems to appear
slyphlike in the distance,
and the churchbells of cheerfulness
chime with gleeful abandon
and I can throw out the roadmap forever
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"InternetSerendipity" is a new blog created Wednesday, September 21st, 2005, to chart my relationship with my love and partner Elizabeth, who became my love and partner on September 3rd of this year. We have been "officially together" for three weeks, and this weekend will be our third "weekiversary". I have created this blog as my "3rd Weekiversary" present for Liz. All our posts here will reflect our shared lives together. We will still maintain our regular blogs, and our links are in the header at the top of this new site.
On a rainy day in February this year, I found myself commenting on the blog of a woman who calls herself "The_Queen_of_Swords". Following is an edited version of my very first comment to Liz.
On February 3, 2005, the eventual love of my life contacted me for the first time in a comment on my Xanga blog, and these are the first words I read from Elizabeth Mendoza, writing from "just up the freeway" in East L.A., California.
Nice to meet a fellow Xangan who is in my area. I have read your comments on some of the Xangas I traverse. Plus, I know you put a link to your other site on Dosmangoes's Xanga which I took a peek at as well. Maybe one day we can get together somewhere ... I myself live in East Los Angeles, about 5 minutes from Downtown L.A. ... so I am close to ALL FREEWAYS (I love living here)!
I know the first time I discovered you was in one of Dosmangoes's posts where he included poetry from a few Xangas he reads. Now it's back to work ...
I commented in turn on her Feb. 4th entry, and she commented next on My Feb. 5th entry.
That entry was "A Dark and Stormy Night" which details my mid eighties motorcycle wreck. (This entry was recently reposted.) This is what she wrote, and these are the first words I read from Elizabeth Mendoza, writing from "just up the freeway" in East L.A., California.
Mike,
This was surely a gem to read (once I stopped getting interrupted to read it ... LOL)! Angelenos tend to lose their mind when driving out in the rain, and I try to keep indoors during such weather. I know I am loving the sunny weather we have now I have to admit.
I did check out your post with your visit to Downtown L.A., and the sight of Mt. Baldy. I get to see it everyday from work. I work close to Olympic & Hopper ... and if I'm lucky ... on clear days (and with minimal smog) on the way in to work I see the Downtown L.A. skyline with the Hollywood sign in the distance.
As for meeting up. I have to admit that I love to roam around Los Angeles, so meeting somewhere you suggest would be great. Personally I have wanted to go up to San Pedro to take a gander at the Korean Friendship Bell (also saw the picture of that on one of your posts). I have not been there in a while, and last time I went is to go to training. I work for the LAUSD and they use Fort MacArthur for some of their training sessions.
Healthwise. I have been doing much better today. Swelling has gone down considerably and pain is minimal. Yes, I used to write as Chartreuse Monkey ... but couldn't resist the call of Xanga ... what can I say. I think I'm hooked!
Can't wait to read your next post!
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